Insulin shot excuse just insane

Two New York teachers, both women, were recently caught in a very compromising position on school grounds, while the pupils were in the auditorium. The janitor apparently spotted the women, aged 30 and 34, getting very up close and personal with one another. It's caused quite a stir and of course, the education department was not at all pleased. It has fired both women: first the Spanish teacher, and then this week, the French teacher - finding them guilty of gross misconduct. The Spanish teacher apparently claimed the incident in question was all very innocent. She said she is diabetic and had invited the French teacher into the classroom to check her blood sugar levels, and give her an insulin shot. Definitely no French kissing took place, she maintained.

Check out the rest of it here. You're going to wish she'd thought this through a little more before saying anything!

Lesbians and parenting

I was delighted to read about the results of a 25-year study, published in USA journal Pediatrics, in which the researchers followed over 70 lesbian couples who'd conceived using sperm from donors. Among the results were that the children were often more intelligent, emotionally mature and confident than kids raised in a heterosexual environment.

For more information on the study, check out this article on The Guardian's website. It also features the stories of four lesbian couples who've had children.

It's wonderful to see such affirming data coming out about lesbian moms. It's such a difficult process for us to become a mom, and so I'd wager that these little ones are very loved and cherished and very intentional.

Changing my airline

If you like the whiskey advert below, this one should tickle your fancy too. Pity this airline does not operate in SA skies.

Desperado

OMG. LOL. I have been browsing through a girl-meets-girl website, looking for the perfect match. What an exercise in futility. Although if you have a sense of humour, it is a case of laughing before you cry into your pinotage. A straight friend of mine who's American had convinced me to give online dating another try. She has, you see, had rather a successful run of her own on a U.S. site. The difference though is depth. The U.S. site was obviously designed by the CIA. It is, in a word, thorough. The SA equivalent, I am afraid, is not. FUNGIRL proclaims, "Seduce my mind and you can have my body", Rose says: "Loves Sunsets and White wine...", while sexyliciouse asks: "are u tired of waiting 4 da ryt girl well hear i am".

All I can say is, OMG - these are supposed to be specially-selected matches that rank, in terms of compatibility, at over 80%. What the hell were these girls thinking when they signed up? Perhaps they were under the influence of White Wine at the time.

Is it too much to ask that prospective matches can spell and use words in their correct context? In this era of social networking and cellphone lingo, is it too much to ask for someone to use 'for' and not '4'? Is there anyone out there who still values the English language, and has the ability to put on the spell check? If there is, darling, 'hear I am'!

:-)

Sunday night ramblings

If you're living life the right way, you'll continually be challenged by it. That is part of the process; it's what comes with the territory when you're pushing the boundaries and breathing in great big mounds of air, as opposed to breathing in, and out through your nose: imperceptible at the best of times.

In my life, it is a joy to be friends with a myriad of people who, while being supporting and sincere, never agree with me just for the sake of being agreeable. They challenge me at every twist and turn, especially when I make outrageous statements or am in victim, or judgmental mode. You see, I sometimes make those statements just to push the envelope, as many of us do, and to see how far away the boundary line is. I do it to test my own perceptions. I like to be challenged. I like to debate things, and I like to be 'made' to see several other viewpoints. Once pointed out, you remember they'd taken hold deep within years ago, but had been buried under the layers of sanctity you'd since absorbed.

Am I talking in riddles? Perhaps, but my point is that without people in your life who're not afraid to challenge you; not afraid to disagree, or to agree to disagree with you, you can become more Stepford in your ways. Black and white are not the only colours.

Oh, oh, oh, Oprah

Oprah must be watching the press quite carefully right now. With the release of Kitty Kelley's new biography, which claims the big O is a closet lesbian, desperately in love with her longtime friend Gayle King, but too scared to come out, she will no doubt be anxious about her well-built up reputation.

I have never advocated the outing of celebs, or of anyone for that matter, but the one web article I read on this topic did make a good point. If Oprah is a lesbian, and if she has indeed hidden it for year, cloaking herself in elaborate acts of heterosexual 'rightness', but at the same time building a talk show legacy where she 'outs' people, and their secrets, is a tad hypocritical.

According to newsblaze.com: "Oprah doesn't want to damage her brand name by admitting that she's a lesbian. She cares more about preserving her billion dollar empire, than she does about advancing the cause of gay and lesbian rights.

"A celeb's private life should be nobody's business, but Oprah is a special case. Oprah has built her reputation on demanding honesty from her guests. Oprah makes her guests cry, and reveal their deepest secrets. What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

They have a point.

Less can be so much more

I've said it many times before, but I love the novels of Sarah Waters. Tipping the Velvet and Fingersmith (and Affinity) have also been beautifully adapted for TV by the BBC. Please note that the video below contains major spoilers for Fingersmith, but it's gorgeous. And very hot in that repressed old English period drama sort of way.

Politically correct whiskey

Ho, ho, ho, love this Johnny Walker ad. I'm not a whiskey drinker, but if you are, this alone warrants giving them your support!

Coming out this decade

I've just come across this wonderful photo story in AfterEllen showing some of the high profile women who've come out this past decade. Well done our very own Melanie Lowe for making the list! Didn't realise one of my favourite Criminal Minds characters, Penelope Garcia, is gay. Knew I loved her!

From Portia to Missy Higgins to Suze Ormand, check out the full listing here

Portia, oh Portia!

Portia de Rossi is to gay women what Hugh Jackman is to straight women! Oh-MY! She is lovely. I like her because she freaks out all the homophobes when they see her. "That woman..a lesbian? No way!" She is the epitome of femininity. She is a strong and beautiful woman who just happens to love other women. And in this interview on The View, she glows when she talks about Ellen and marriage and it's heartening to see.

On Prop 8 and its implications, Portia says: "(Gay marriage) is really not a religious issue or moral issue, it's just simply a civil rights issue. And the fact that the majority can get to vote on the rights of a minority seems very un-American to me."

Well done Portia for being one classy act! (Pity about the crap quality of the three hosts of this show including Whoopi who looked half asleep and who could have been an ally but chose to bury her head in the sand. Hmph.)

Meredith Baxter's coming out moment

It's been all over the press for the past few days: ex Family Ties actress, Meredith Baxter (aka Elyse Keaton) has officially come out of the closet. The move was prompted by a recent lesbian cruise she attended, and the subsequent tabloid media hype around it. Meredith, 62, says she has been involved with her current partner, Nancy Locke, for four years.

Below, Baxter's sensitively-handled coming out interview (with Matt Lauer) on The Today Show. Watching it, I feel admiration for Meredith, but also sadness and anger that gay people have to subject themselves to this sort of rubbish: justifying loving someone of the same sex. I have to wonder when love will just be love. Full stop.

The other Secret unveiled

A few years ago I went to a friend's 50th birthday party. I don't know her too well. We were more casual acquaintances than anything else I guess, although I like her a lot and have fun in her presence. Anyway, her partner Helen happens to be a woman I've known for many years, also as more of an acquaintance, because of the age gap between us. When I was at school, Helen was probably about 40. She went away one weekend and another mutual friend (Patty) organised a friend (Elize) to housesit. They had a dinner party one evening and I was invited.

Imagine the scene... still in school (probably just on 18) and invited to this very grown up and very lesbian evening. I was nearing the end of my school career and was planning on leaving my hometown to go off to university in a matter of months, and I was desperate to be with a woman.

I had told my mom I was staying the night at a friend's - and I got there on my scooter. I was very drawn to the house-sitter, Elize, who was a journalist with the most wonderfully delicate hands you have ever seen. She was about 4 or 5 years older than me, although when you're 18, that may as well be 10 or 15 years older! We got through rather a lot of red wine that night, as I recall, and the mutual friend, Patty, left quite soon after dinner. I remained. I can't recall what was said about why I was staying. Perhaps I was too drunk to drive anywhere!

Anyway, the delicious Elize was very kind and very sweet and before I knew it our conversation turned to things more Sapphic. To cut a long story short, we decided at that moment that it would be perfect to skinny dip. She slid into the pool first. I was but 18 and very shy, you understand. Under the cover of darkness I got into the pool too, and we shared out first, but by no means our last, kiss of the evening. Lord, this is sounding very cheesy! It really was a wonderful initiation, and from the swimming pool, we went to the bedroom. It was in reality Helen's bedroom, but remember that Elize was housesitting. I am very grateful for that night. Wow. For a first time, it was everything I had hoped for. And more. She was attentive and gentle and soft and taught me a lot. I am very grateful to Elize and for that wonderful and unexpected night together.

Anyway, the point is that at Helen's partner's 50th birthday not so long ago, we all had to reveal a secret. It was a spoof of The Secret you see - and the revelations that afternoon were hilarious and daring. Mine, to just the birthday girl and Helen, was what had happened in their home some 22 years prior. I told them about the housesitting and the wine and the pool and the education I received and they both threw back their heads and laughed and laughed, delighted to have been a part of my early education in some small, unfathomable way! I was glad to have shared that particular secret and I must admit to wondering where Elize was today and what her memory of that night had been.

Settling for second best

People who cannot be single for any significant period of time fascinate me. One of the saddest things I've heard was a colleague's inebriated confession, about 10 years ago, that while he was desperately unhappy in a loveless marriage, he could not leave because he was more terrified of being alone. He was hoping to meet someone new, whilst in his marriage, and then leave the one bed for the other.

He and his wife are still married to this day, not that things are any better. He just hasn't found the right bed to leapfrog into.

Hearing that confession, I made a silent promise to myself never to become like that. I would rather be on my own, than settle. How insulting to your partner, and how soul destroying to yourself.

Adam shouldn't have taken the 'bite'

There's been a lot of hype this week over Adam Lambert's performance at the American Music Awards. Apparently about 1500 complaints have been logged after he was swept away in the moment, apparently, and started improvising in his performance. The 'offensive' bits were his sexual interactions with men on stage: simulating oral sex, S&M, and then of course the kiss with one of the band members.

He later told Rolling Stone magazine: "Female performers have been doing this for years – pushing the envelope about sexuality – and the minute a man does it everybody freaks out." And I have to say, I agreed with him 100% (think Janet Jackson's boob incident and Britney's kiss with Madonna) until I saw the video, that is.

I have never watched American Idols until this latest season, when I was off sick and it was on during the day. It was down to the top 8, I think, and I was blown away by Adam's talent. He flaunted his sexuality with such confidence; he swaggered his stuff with such passion; and the singing - was powerful and amazing. Add his coming out in Rolling Stone to the mix, and the fact that America chose the blue-eyed 'nice guy' over him in the end, and I was a big, big fan. I still am, and I still think his talent is limitless, but I think he did get carried away.

Not only did he sing 'For your entertainment' terribly, but the aggression behind that kiss was a little much. The 27-year-old's admitted to totally improvising on the night, which means that the poor guy he kissed had no idea what was going to happen, and Adam literally grabs him, pulling him violently into the lip lock. That's the worst part of this for me. Sexy it was not.

Perhaps he's trying to break free of the Idols image and shock the world. Maybe he was trying to stir controversy in the hope it would boost album sales (and maybe it has, and maybe he was just acting out the lyrics, but I think he overstepped the mark. Absolutely, spice things up by showing a same sex kiss, but don't leave us with the feeling that it was stolen forcibly. He would not have gotten away with it if it had been a women either. I think ultimately, if I had read that the whole stunt had been planned and rehearsed etc, I would feel differently. But it wasn't, and role models - especially gay ones - should know better.

Update: The YouTube video I had posted has been removed 'due to copyright' issues.

The chilling reality

A very disturbing media release has been issued by the South African gay umbrella body, the Joint Working Group, to highlight concerns over proposed legislation in Uganda, in East Africa.

Gay rights groups in Uganda have appealed for activists across the world to hold protests at the Ugandan Embassies and High Commissions in their countries to oppose the Anti-Homosexuality Bill currently being tabled in the Ugandan parliament.

According to the release by the Joint Working Group (JWC): "The Ugandan anti-homosexuality bill aims to build on the current homophobic legislation already in force in that country by adding further offences and even more stringent punishments for anyone caught committing the crime of homosexuality. Among many horrific clauses in the proposed law are the imposition of the death penalty for what they term “aggravated homosexuality”, punishment for people who do not report on homosexuals and the criminalisation of activists who work in LGBTI organisations."

While gay rights are entrenched in South Africa, the situation is not the same in other parts of the continent, as the Ugandan example clearly states. Even in South Africa, lesbian women are raped in townships to 'cure them' or 'teach them a lesson', while homophobia is rife in many communities and being gay or lesbian is seen as being un-African.

In terms of the Ugandan issue, the JWC is holding a protest outside the Ugandan High Commission in Arcadia, Pretoria, on the 17 November from 12pm to 2pm, to show its disgust at the proposed bill. It's also calling on the South African government to break its silence on the matter, saying such silence is unacceptable.

If you're in Gauteng and can join the protest, please do so. And if you're elsewhere in the world, with the power to write about this situation, please spread the word.

And on a separate note, South Africans feeling isolated or needing help from LGBTI organisations, can possibly Google any of the JWC members as listed below.

Activate WITS, Behind the Mask, Coalition of African Lesbians, Durban Gay and Lesbian Community , D Gayle, Engender
Forum for the Empowerment of Women, Gay and Lesbian Memory in Action, Gay and Lesbian Network (PMB), Gay Umbrella, Gender Dynamix, Glorious Light MCC, Good Hope MCC, Hope and Unity MCC, Inclusive and Affirming Ministries (IAM), Jewish Outlook, Out in Africa, OUT LGBT Well-being, OUT Rhodes, Rainbow UCT, SAYLO, The Inner Circle, Lesbian and Gay Equality Project, Triangle Project, Unisa Centre for Applied Psychology, XX/Y Flame.

(Image thanks to Wikipedia)

The more things change...

The more things change, the more things stay the same, it appears. Today was a case in point. Had an appointment with a fertility specialist. He's highly recommended and one of the city's top experts. But before I even got to meet him, several things just totally offended me.

1) His receptionist was rude and insensitive. Women approach this doctor at their most vulnerable. They turn here in a crisis and to have the front-line person barking instructions at you and telling you it's cash only, is a little much. I was also told that it would take until mid December to get an appointment and then, once I asked to be on standby, was told I would have to call in weekly to see if there was any 'vacancy'. Talk about a God-complex, and this isn't even from the doctor who creates life each day!
2) Step two was being called by the receptionist and told, 'we have an appointment for you, but if you cannot come to this one, we cannot help you.' Nice.
3) Accepted the appointment and then argued with the woman about form of payment, saying it was 'utterly ridiculous' the Dr didn't accept cards or an EFT. Eventually she conceded that I could pay by EFT.
4) Arrived for my appointment 15 minutes early. Waited 1hr45 to actually get in to see the Dr. Before that, had to fill in THE FORM. Hoo boy, was this a beaut. Absolutely no consideration for any possibility but the married couple. Form actually said: 'Wife's name' (that would be me, I guess!), then 'Husband's job description' (need to make sure the hubby can afford the treatment!) and the piece de resistance was the line under payment: 'Husband's medical aid'. Let's just say I had to scratch out rather a lot.
5) Walked in to the Dr's office, to be greeted by a 'Hello Mrs XYZ, or is it Miss?'. He had just caught sight of my form, you see, and so did a little double take. "Miss," I replied. 'Oh!' he said, 'Please have a seat.'

It's a very vulnerable place to find yourself in, and I find it appalling that in 2009, one has to be subjected to this sort of sexist drivel. Forget about the gay women out there, the message is that being a mother is only acceptable for a 'wife', and only as long as there is a bank-rolling husband in the picture too.

The long wait...

I am currently waiting to find out if my latest A.I (artificial insemination) round has taken. Had two this month. One nine days ago and the other, six days ago. It's amazing how few sites out there have info on exactly what should be happening now. It's also remarkable how hyper-vigilant you are about your body. Little cramps or pains I've probably had for the past 25 or so years are suddenly being felt for the first time. Grumpiness too is taking on a new dimension. I hit a low on Wednesday when I felt terribly pre-menstrual. The first sign was when I nearly ripped out a colleague's throat. Ok, not quite, but you get the picture. Everything is heightened right now and I do not feel in control! I have Googled early pregnancy symptoms ad nauseam. I then Googled 'very, very, very early pregnancy signs' and that still did not provide me with much comfort.

Early signs you see are frequent urination (I am peeing so much lately because I am WAITING to see if I am pregnant and drinking so much water because sub-consciously I know that peeing frequently is a sign!)
Another indication is tender breasts. How do you tell if your breasts are tender? I guess if you need to ask the question you've answered your question. I find frequent prodding of my breasts does help to cause tenderness!

Another sign is mood swings. OK, so that's just unfair. Of course I have mood swings. I am WAITING! And I am possibly PMT.
Another indication is sensitivity to aromas. Yes, yes, I have that! Erm, but I always have that. All-bloody-year round. OK, so this is not going so well.

Missed period? Well - not yet, because as pointed out earlier, it is EARLY, EARLY at this stage. Dizziness and / or fainting - no. Crap. OK, so it is not looking too good, really. I should know in the next few days. The wait though really is agonising, as anyone in the same boat will be able to confirm. Definitely a time of obsessing and naval gazing. Oh, to be a lady in waiting...

Best on-screen kisses

Apparently in an upcoming Heroes episode, Claire the cheerleader and another female character kiss. It's got Tinseltown buzzing, but according to sites like Movieline.com, the kiss itself is a bit of a cop out. The site says: "There’s a distressing lack of give-and-take here." It also says Claire seems 'pretty disinterested'. Well, I gave up on Heroes a long time ago, so I won't be able to judge for myself, but here are some of the better on-screen kisses over the years. Thanks to moveline.com for prompting some of these memories!

Ally McBeal kiss in 1999 between Ally and Ling: (OK, so this one was disabled by copyright kings. You'll have to google it!)

Here's a wonderful collage from various classics:

L-Word collage:

Grey's Anatomy: Callie and Erica

LA Law - this kiss made history for sure as it was 1991!

When 'family' isn't 'family'

I have a very benevolent attitude towards most gay people. Generally speaking, I embrace them and feel an immediate kinship with them. After all, if they've gone through even a bit of what I went through to come out and be myself, they must be pretty cool. But I recently learnt that just because someone is family, doesn't mean they're your 'family'!

Picture the scene. Gay girl meets lesbian friends of best gay boy friends. Italian venue chosen for the occasion. I am full of hope and optimism. I am, after all, a glass-half-full kinda gal. Hmm. I first started getting a little concerned when Girl 'A' described Sean Penn's 'Milk' as 'that Art movie'. Clearly an Oscar for best actor doesn't qualify one for mainstream!

In the interests of a united nations, I pushed that aside, only to be told, a few agonising minutes later, that the Sarah Waters screenplay was in fact called 'Tipping Velvet' and that it had been set in the 1950's. It was all too much, I tell you, and so I did was any self respecting lesbian would do: I ordered another beer.

It was the only way I knew how to continue through the deep dark night where the friends of friends had turned out to be not family at all. *Sigh*

Sarah Waters

Most lesbians know Sarah Waters as the wonderfully talented novelist behind literary gems such as 'Tipping the Velvet' and 'Fingersmith'. Both of these novels put, in my opinion, lesbian writing in the mainstream. She's won numerous awards for her writing, and both of the novels mentioned above, as well as 'Affinity' have all been adapted for television. So, when I heard, many months back that Sarah had penned a new novel, due out in about Aug/September, I quivered with excitement and prepared to book my copy.

Her latest offering is called The Little Stranger, and it's set in the 1940s in rural Warwickshire. More intriguingly, it's billed as a 'chilling ghost story'. 'Affinity' - while not a ghost story, had a 'supernatural' element to it. The sexual tension between the main characters in Affinity kept me turning the pages rapidly.

Waters can pretty much write anything, you see, and a host of lesbian fans will buy her work. But this time, I have to confess to feeling a little let down. Make no mistake, The Little Stranger is a wonderful read. I took it away with me over the long weekend and devoured it in a day or two. She is a masterful storyteller. But, I did feel disappointed that Caroline Ayres, one of the main characters, was not lesbian. There were little indications early on that she was. Waters, I felt, teased us along, and then revealed about mid-way that that wasn't the route she was taking us along.

*Sigh*.

I've just watched an interview with Waters (via this link) where she admits that she's spent a lot of time apologising to lesbians for the fact that there's no gay character in the book.

She said however of Caroline that she's clearly not your run-of-the-mill, mainstream heterosexual protagonist: "So in a way, The Little Stranger is a queer book, which I hope will sit more comfortably alongside my more obviously lesbian novels."

The bottom line, is that I enjoyed the novel and highly recommend you give it a try. And ultimately (and see if you agree once you've read it) I do think Caroline is a dyke! :-)

Oh and of her new novel, which is yet to be written, Waters says she may look at the pre-war period of the 1920's and 30's. Please Sarah, put in a lesbian character... !