Monday, April 30, 2007

Micro socialising sometimes equals macro problems

I was having lunch with a straight friend of mine today and was updating her on my life and social circle. I told a story about the ex of mine who goes on holiday with her ex and whose ex is now dating an ex friend of theirs (when they were a couple). "Ho boy!' was the reply. This is an old dialogue between us. My friend seems to think that lesbians cannot let go of their old flames. She feels we move from friend to partner to ex and then back to socialising together. She told me many years ago that once straights break up they quit seeing one another, period. Well, unless they happen to bump into one another in the Woolies aisle or at the Home Affairs offices. She has a point.
Several lesbians I know have, at one point, continued to live with their exes (even the ones who had cheated on them). They become roomies. Now I can understand the financial imperatives behind that but come on... roomies? Rather run into the middle of a dual-carriageway and throw yourself in front of a Putco bus. At least the agony will be over soon enough.
Other friends socialise in groups with numerous exes. Take another gay friend. Her partner used to date my ex. She used to date someone who is an ex of my ex. SA is small, we all know that, and so it's often impossible to avoid bumping into an ex socially, but many do it because they want to. What's that about?
Look, there are advantages. You don’t have to repeat stories, for example. Everyone knows them. They’ve either heard first hand from you, or second hand from one of your exes, or an exes ex. It’s all very straight forward, if you’re gay.
So, what’s your take on this? Madness disguised as normality? Necessity in these times when the pool is a-shrinking? Or just wonderfully illustrative of how loving and forgiving women are?


Anonymous said...

Ha... not just lesbian phenomenon! I recently went to a wedding with my boyfriend and the groom actually made reference - and thanked! - someone sitting at our table for "introducing" him to his new wife. Ms X had been going out with Mr Y and whilst they were ensconced in coupledom, Ms X met Mr Z and the rest is as they say history! And at the wedding - thankfully not at our table - two people that I had schmoozed with in the past - quite amazing actually. And I love how people react - one of the past schmoozers openly acknowledged it at dinner that we were all at over the wedding weekend saying that our little posse is quite the incestuous bunch... hmmmm... not quite sure what this is saying about us thirty-somethings!!!

YM said...

I believe in amputation. End of affair. That's it. Never to be seen again. It hurts like hell to start with but it's healthier and allows you to move on to a new relationship and a new happy life much more easily. It's a choice between your future and your past. I know which one has worked for me. For my partner and me, there is no-one else in our lives but each other and it's been a wonderful 13 years and ongoing...!

Anonymous said...

Maybe not really exes hey!! why cant they have just been a one night stand especially the pool a-shrinking you have to date before making any commitments. It must be the financial thing you were talking about so one night in the sack becomes a relationship and 3 months down the line its really not what you want so hence we move on.To me it aint an ex!!!!! Just someone I had>.....

Anonymous said...

Ja, I belong to a universtiy gay/lesbian society. I have been tempted to draw a chart showing who's been with whom, but decided against it. almost every weekend there's an incident invovling two members (maybe even more).

I'm not one to talk hey, my current boyfriend is also in the society and he is not even the first.