Monday, August 6, 2007

Bi-what?

Most of my lesbian friends are women loving women. They don't hate men, they just love women more. They're attracted to women. It's women who get the old heart rate going and make the knees weak. Very few are bisexual. Often you find it's the straight girls who're trying being gay on for size who use that word. "I don't choose a man or a person. I can't control who I fall in love with and sometimes it's a man and sometimes it's a woman."
Ja, right. In lesbian speak that means: "Well, if I admit it deep down I'm probably lesbian but I'm not sure how well that would go down so I'll straddle the fence," orrr it means: "Well, being gay is so in fashion right now I'll try anything but really, when it comes down to it, I prefer men."
Hmmph. Either way, many of us are sceptical of bisexuals. My recent experimentation with a lesbian dating site is a good example. I clearly stated in my little anonymous profile that I was a woman seeking a lesbian woman. Yet, every single email I've received inviting me to write back has been from a frigging 'bisexual' woman seeking a woman to join her and her man; to be part of her threesome - her boyfriend's wet dream of woman on woman come alive, no bloody doubt.
Double hmmph.
No thanks. Hit delete. Where are the real lesbians? Maybe I need to go to a straight site, fill in a profile for a woman seeking sensitive man and I could maybe just meet a lesbian. It's all very confusing and very tiring.

3 comments:

Leigh-Anne said...

Um, I think of myself as bisexual. I'm currently involved with a guy, y relationship just before this one was with a guy, but before that I was mostly dating women... I lived with one for over a year, in fact. As corny and tired as it may sound to you, I genuinely don't see myself attracted to only one gender. I love men, and I love women, and I see no reason why I can't date both.

About the threesome thing, yeah, I get that a lot too! Especially on Facebook! But I try not to let it phase me...

Maybe one day I'll end up settling down again. Maybe I won't. Either way, I won't allow something like gender to influence me when it comes to choosing a life partner...

Her Story SA said...

Hey Leigh-Anne
I'm so glad you commented on this topic. We only learn about different viewpoints when we hear from different people and I respect your opinion. I may feel differently but I respect that you feel the way you do. Viva!

Wanda said...

Just found your blog from muslimhedonist.

Like leigh-anne, I'm a bonafide bisexual. I've had two serious relationships: one man, one woman. I genuinely loved both of these people. There were no trends involved or a desire to cling to the norm.

For me, they are two very different kind of loves. But both can be all-consuming and all-important. At this point, I'm more interested in dating women. Although if a man I find interesting comes along, I won't turn it down (as was the case a couple of months ago.) But the thing I find difficult about dating women is the contempt a lot of lesbians seem to have for bisexual women.

Granted, there are many (too many?) bisexual women who are just looking to satisfy their sexual curiosity or are looking for a threesome. These are not the women that I want to date either. I desire a real, meaningful relationship with a woman just as any other lesbian. The fact that I've dated men in the past or may date them again in the future has no bearing on that. I wish more lesbians weren't so quick to dismiss me and my experiences to the point that I feel I would have better results if I just lied.