Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Do you remember...?

A gay girl's first kiss is a memorable thing. It's especially memorable because it tends to happen when we're older than our straight counterparts. Some of us just take longer to figure out we actually want to kiss a girl more than we want to kiss a boy; others know early on but don't have the means to 'get connected' until later in life.
For me - as far as kissing was concerned - I had a little of both: boys and girls. Well, one girl to be precise.

She was my best friend. A cute little blonde with blue eyes. We were at senior primary together and we had a rather passionate love affair (for 11 or 12 year olds) back in the early 80s. Looking back, she was my first 'love' but in a very innocent way. We explored our sexuality together and kissed and had regular sleepovers. It was a wonderful friendship and lasted until she was wrenched away from me when her dad was transferred out of our home town.
I was distraught.

She is now married with kids. I am not. I often wonder if she remembers our 'love' and more importantly, how she remembers it.

After that, it seemed that the boy route was a logical one. After all, my one true love had left. For me, the boy-girl kissing was fairly easy. I remember stealing kisses with various boy classmates from about 12 years on. Std 5 (about 12 years going on 13) was when I had my first French kiss with a boy though. Prior to that evening, I remember a couple of us practising on our hands. Hmm, knowing me, I probably wanted to practise on my girl friends!
Anyway, that kiss was fairly average. A bit gross actually if you must know, as it was quite hard to coordinate the breathing and the kissing and the eyes closed all at the same time. Fortunately, this improves with practise!
My point is that in my day (and I say that because maybe things are different now) you were very unlikely to meet a girl and start dating. So, you went with the flow and met a boy.
As the teenage years wore on though, my yearning and need to be with a girl grew. It became no longer possible to go with the flow.
What angst and turmoil there was during those years. I remember feeling so alone and so misunderstood.
So, by the time I had my first real kiss - as an adult woman - with another woman, I was 18. She wasn't someone I knew very well. She was older than me and we never kept in contact after that night, but it was wonderful and special and felt so right nonetheless.
I finally felt as if I'd come home. Actually, we ended up doing a lot more than kissing, but that's another story entirely!

*** Why don't you share your first kiss story with me? Email me or post your comment here. ***


Sheriss said...

i didn't like my very first kiss. the second kiss which was with the same girl was much better and just improved each time. i was 14.

Steven Macintyre said...

First kiss was with a girl from school ... probably the most exciting thing that had happened to me up to that point.

Looking back now (13 years) i believe it was that great anymore...

Best kiss ever, 9 years ago ... outside mimmos in boksburg :)

Just - with your comment that girls usually kiss much older than str8's, its opposite with the gay guys afaik

Anonymous said...

I felt like you were writing about me! I went the same route. Tried dating boys, endured the tonsil tackling and over-production of saliva (what is that with boys?! Ugh..) My first kiss with a woman was at the age of 18, in a park on the berea, sitting on a log, under a moonlit sky on a summer's evening. Can you get more romantic;) I remember whispering breathlessly, and rather understatedly! afterwards, "That felt so different" I WAS in shock;) But I'd never felt anything like it before and I LOVED it. The softness, the emotion, the gentleness, all mingled with overwhelming passion as she lovingly stroked every single one of my heart strings. I fell deeply in love. My heart was broken a few months later and it took me years to get over her. But I regret nothing. Broken heart or not, I do know how fortunate I was to have a first kiss to want to remember forever.